Parenthood can be trying, it can be tough, it can stretch your patience and most definitely will end your "happy carefree low cost child free life."
A British father, 39-year-old Joel Andresier from Southampton, UK put his kids' buggy up for sale on eBay, and the description that went with it gave an insight into how fatherhood is affecting, and disaffecting, his life.
As user ukJoel25 he put "Phil and teds green explorer double" on the online auction site with a starting price of £9.99 (about $15.00). But his comedic description, and the sympathy and amusement it no doubt elicited, has seen the buggy currently sitting at an incredible £156,505 (around $236,440) after 221 bids, with 6 days left to go. *Insert sound of a jaw dropping and shattering on the floor here*
Here's how the item description begins:
Here we have for sale the green monster that can only be Phil and Teds. I shall be glad to see it leave my premises and never return.
This was purchased against my wishes many years ago as I never wanted any children and a buggy signified my wife's intent to have children. We argued much and this buggy signifies everything that ended my happy carefree low cost child free life.
This buggy clearly meant she intended to have not just one but multiple children and the extortionate price of this buggy will stay imprinted on my brain till the day I die. I have bought cars that cost less than this buggy. My dad once bought a house that cost less than this buggy.
Anyway as you can tell I hate the buggy. I now have 3 children, and a Labrador and am forced to endure the school run where women I dont know try and discuss the price of centre parc holidays, and the benefits of the micro over the mini micro scooter. To summarize my life is over and this green albatross needs to go round some other poor sods neck.
He then goes on to describe how it's had "pretty much every bodily fluid known to science, (and several that have yet to be discovered) chucked over it by my children" but on a positive note it's "never been used for dog sledding, racing, or buggy bumper cars, although I once used it to concuss a randy Alsatian that tried getting amorous with my lab." Hey, we've all been there.
You have to give the man credit for his no nonsense approach to not just child care and parenthood, but copywriting too. "It even comes with what I lovingly refer to as the Cinderella attachment for the second child you have but dont love as much as the first." he notes "It means they can sit but cant see anything, and have a ride thats about as comfortable as a Ford Model T."
Before concluding his epic description/call for help/insight into the pains of unwanted parenthood with:
There are many adverts on here for immaculate models and these people are all liars and scoundrels as nothing that comes into contact with a young child is ever immaculate.
So for a starting price of just £9.99 you too can screw up your life. There are programs for those of you who need to recover from drugs or alcohol. Any money generated from this sale will be used to help me recover from children (and probably involve drugs and alchohol)
So spend big - its for a good cause...