Marriage, a time in a person's life when they've decided they've found that special person, that life partner, the person they want to spend forever with, if forever actually existed. But like a perfect marriage, a monkey who can moonwalk or a hangover that isn't insufferable, it doesn't. It could all end in divorce, but let's keep it romantic, let's believe that people can make it work.
Before your lives become inexplicably entwined, caught up in a bond of love, caught in the vows of eternity. Before rugrats mean you never get a lie-in again or get to act spontaneously on a whim on a Saturday night, you get one last blow out--The Stag (or Bachelor) party--It's symbolic more than anything. A time for one last debauched carnival of the unwell. A time to live it up, come down, then do it all again.
Just remember, you only have one chance to get it right, so make it count, and whatever you do, don't let it end up like the poor groom-to-be in the video above. You'll regret it for the rest of your life if you do.
So here is a mental checklist of pointers to follow if you are going to pull of the perfect bachelor party:
A time to get some mind-bending chemicals, drink enough booze to kill a herd of elephants and turn your kidneys into pate. So you wake up from it all feeling like you've just got in a fight with a vodka jelly monster who shoots flaming black sambuca from of its eyes.
If the groom doesn't wake up and neck some heinous chemical for breakfast to turn his day into a psychedelic mosaic of deluded delirium, then what's the point? What you don't want is sanity; you don't want a bunch of guys sitting around eating at a trendy restaurant discussing online brand reputation monitoring. Or maybe you do. It's up to you.
Equally if you do so many drugs or drink so much beer you're not able to swallow food properly for days after, then so be it. Ideally, that feeling of sickness that comes at you in waves: that's what you're aiming for. The sense that you could collapse at any moment, that you could get swept along with a gust of wind and carried off, to be pecked at by ravens until you disappear from this earth.
And after all is said and done, after you've made it back home by the grace of some divine god (or two), then it's time to countdown to the wedding, to that moment where you become a singularity with your partner. Then next stop: Bed, Bath & Beyond.