Turn A Baby Into A Surreptitious Liquor Flask With This Handy How-To Guide
Drinking in public is not just frowned upon, it's illegal. But, there are ways and means to skirt around the law. One of those is the brown paper bag, but not only does that arouse suspicion it also makes you look like a vagabond.
However, one man has created the perfect way to drink whiskey and walk down the street without getting arrested. His name is Mike Warren and here's his step-by-step guide on how to turn a baby doll (you can probably just procure one off a friend's little sister) into a drinking vessel fit for an alcoholic.
Writing on Instructables Warren says, "This doll holds a refillable drink bladder that lets you sip from a straw hidden in the top of the head. Everyone loves babies, and you can dismiss any inquisitive investigators by simply saying 'Shhh. she's sleeping'. This should deter all but the most persistent people."
So here's your step-by-step guide below on how to build an ingenious covert drinking device what will also have the added effect of making you look like the perfect parent, constantly kissing your baby's head, women will love you for it. You degenerate!
Firstly you need to find a baby doll, a hydration bladder, and one degenerate alcoholic (that's you).
Next up, cut the baby open and gut it. You might feel weird and creepy doing this, but just remember, soon you'll be drinking bourbon at a bus stop so none of this will matter.
Then take a large drill bit and drill through the baby's soft pliable head like the sick, twisted monster you know you are.
Insert the bladder and pour in your chosen liquor. Your hands are probably shaking with the DTs at this point because you haven't had a drink in ten minutes. Don't worry, you're nearly done.
Seal the baby up, being careful not to leave it lying around for any younger siblings to discover.
After all, you don't want them drinking all your precious alcohol.
Then put it in a carrier, if you don't own one borrow one from a friend. Your use for it is far more important then anything trivial like actually carrying a baby.
You're done! Time to hit the streets/club/local park and drink until you blackout.
h/t Bored Panda