If you ever felt that emojis were too convenient, too quick and easy to use, then Parks and Recreation's Nick Offerman has the perfect solution for you. His range of handcrafted, solid oak emojis will make communicating with little smiley faces a much more laborious experience—and who wouldn't want that?
Plus, now you can let someone know that the crushing insult you just fired at them was only a joke by using a SOLID WOOD smiley face with its tongue poking out.
That way, instead of losing this display of wit and hilarity when they delete the text they can cherish it for the rest of their lives as it stares back at them from the mantelpiece.
And Offerman is a genuine carpenter, so he's entirely capable of actually producing these, even if this time it was just for a few laughs on Conan. But let there be no doubt, these wood emojis are the best way possible to cumbersomely say you love someone, but you're sad because the cat just pooped.
And more than anything, they're "A more old-fashioned, more personal, more American mode of communication."